Chicago: A Retrospective

Well Chicago. ‘Twas fun while it lasted.
But if you’ll excuse me, the land of sweet tea and salty (not sweet) cornbread is calling me home. At least for now.

Here are a few final thoughts on things I will miss about this Midwestern Metropolis:

1) Our perfect apartment. Original Victorian walls and crown moldings. A huge kitchen. Hard wood floors. All for under $1200 a month.
2) Filter’s sweet potato fries. Seriously. How did I ever exist without them? I wonder if I can make them myself. It wouldn’t be the same. Like trying to make Frosty’s yourself, right Mr. Deeds?
3) The shopping. It has been ages since I actually shopped in a mall. Yes, the mall offers a degree of convienence that neighborhood boutique style shopping does not… but where is the charm I ask you? Where is the character? Where is the money I need to do any of this shopping? Where is THAT I ask you? No, seriously. Where am I going to get money. I just left a full time job. Oh god. What have I done.
4) Time Out. I will miss you. Working for Time Out fulfilled a dream I have had since I was 14 years old. I know! How cute is that! Why am I leaving again?
5) Oh right. The buses. The trains. The stink. The dirt. The angry old women and the loud screaming babies. Bring on the “rush hour” of Charlotte traffic and the wide expanses of easy to maneuver parking lots in front of every store and establishment. God help me if I never have to parallel park again.
6) The weather. Good riddance. Stupid big puffy coat. Stupid boots. Hmm actually I kinda liked the boots. And scarves, I like scarves. But you, coat that I had to actually depress the air out of in order to zip it up, you are stupid and you can stay in the closet for many winters to come.
7) How did this become a list of things I won’t miss? Let me try to get back on track: The plethora of culture. Yes, truth be known I never actually went to any art museums or movies in the park or concerts while I lived here. But I did drive by them. And heard about them on the news each morning. And just knowing that such culture is just outside your door makes you feel… superior somehow. Guess I am back to being a rube.
8) Oh sweet jesus the Sweet Potato Fries.
9) The Whole Foods, because where I am moving, there isn’t one. WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM CHARLOTTE? Winston salem managed it, why can’t you?
10) The Parks. I had big plans to get a dog and take him to the park for walks and to play fetch with a Frisbee and lay in the grass and read and have picnics. Instead I got a cat and Tivo and never left the apartment again, but I had BIG PLANS that surely I would have made good on eventually. If there was nothing on TV.

And here is a list of things I learned while I lived in Chicago:

1) I am actually not as tolerant of others as I thought. See also: screaming women, whiny babies, smelly people, rowdy school children – all listed under Chicago Transit Authority. Turns out, I have a rather short attention span for smelly, loud, annoying people. Thus, I sweetly persuaded my kind boyfriend to drive me to the train each morning to avoid waiting for the bus. Lesson number two: a well timed cutesy baby voice with the added ammunition of an adorable pouty mouth works wonders.
2) (Although technically this is lesson number three) Tivo. Is. God’s. Gift. To. Well, Me. I adore it. I worship it. I am breaking at least three commandments as a result of my relationship with Tivo. God how did I live with out it. God’s name in vain. That’s four.
3) Writers don’t make a lot of money. I guess I knew this lesson was coming, but still. It ain’t pretty. I mean, I still think that teachers and social workers and the like deserve more money than they make… but couldn’t capitalism throw a little bit more our way? We give you shit to read on the train on the way to your jobs in the big banks downtown. Isn’t that worth anything to you? No? Oh, well. Okay then.
4) I can withstand inhumane conditions. Namely, I did not cease to exist when we didn’t have heat for a week in our apartment during the coldest week of the year. Aren’t you proud? I didn’t even really complain that much. I just wore long underwear and bought an electric blanket. I am a freaking SURVIVOR. A fighter I tell you.
5) I am a god awful terrible driver and I don’t miss it a bit. I have driven a car maybe twice in 7 months and I couldn’t be happier about it (aside from the residual effect of the CTA. See Lesson #1).…. And, if I must be honest, the people of Chicago are safer on the streets as a result. There is no sense in denying it. Look out Charlotte. I’m coming back. Lucky for you, Charlotteans, the Queen City doesn’t require much in the way of parallel parking. I am crap at it.
6) I have totally outgrown college life. Although some might argue that I was never really a part of it. Maybe for a few months somewhere in between sophomore and junior year. But , I am officially over it. I went to an “Art Fair” last weekend which turned out to be nothing more than an overblown frat party. Complete with red Solo cups and– I shit you not– a Dave Matthews cover band. Standing there, choking on the smoke that was (of course) wafting from some dude wearing rainbows and a popped collar, unconsciously singing along… “Celebrate we will, ‘cause life is short but sweet for certain,” it hit me… I wanted to go home. I wanted to go home, salvage my clean hair before it wreaked of Marlboros, and watch a movie. Perhaps watch a movie in bed. I am old. F&*# it . Who cares. I’m old, I don’t want to party and I don’t care. God bless America, Good Night.


That's probably the last you'll hear from me until I move back to the lovely Carolinas!
I assure you, plenty of introspective rants based on how different I feel now versus when I was in high school will surely follow.


Tata, love ya, kisses,
Jenn