As an avid Tivo addict, there is perhaps no one as distraught by the persisting writer's strike than I. In preparation for the months ahead I have ambitiously amped up my Netflix cue, easily forgetting the fact that I kept a copy of Dead Poet's Society for 4 and a half months and then mailed it back covered in dust without even watching it.
However, I have managed to find one completely supercalifragilisticexpialamazing upside to the strike: The return of American Gladiators to broadcast television.
I cannot even count the hours of my youth that were spent watching two blissful, back to back hours of American Gladitors on USA (10am to 12pm). Every morning of my summers I was greeted with a buffet of awesomely bad TV... Gladiators followed by such gems as My Two Dads, Major Dad, Just the Ten of Us, Facts of Life and, of course, Parker Lewis Can't Lose. The bowls of velveeta shells that were consumed... the many sunny afternoons that could have been spent outside... Childhood doesn't get much better than that.
So please, try to imagine my glee as I watched, in complete awe, as 5 foot 4 inch contestant Venus practically had a heart attack on the eliminator which now features A TWENTY FOOT SWIM UNDERWATER WHILE FLAMES BLAST OVER YOUR HEAD (???!!!) The Gladiators are more terrifying (by a long shot) and the contestants, from what I can tell, might actually possess some athletic talent (Anthony the Fire Fighter kicked that swinging bridge's ass). Who ever the television executive was that risked his career by proposing a renaissance of American Gladitors as the next reality television sensation - kudos my friend. I hate reality television (except for anything on HGTV and Bravo. Those don't count.) And now, I am officially going to TIVO reality TV on NBC.
Justice, Titan, Big Bad Wolf, Crush, Venom, Fury, Stealth,Mayhem - welcome to my living room. I am f-ing psyched to see you.
And, just for funsies, here is my list of Truly Terrifying Gladiator Names that didn't quite make the cut:
Hymen
Menses
Bosom
Pex
8-Pac
The Dude
Roids
Hernia
Tanorexia
‘Stache
Homeland Security
Mr. Jiggles (The Clown, obviously)
Hangnail
Peroxide
Atomic Wedgie
Botox
The Clap
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2 comments:
You know, I spent my evening watching the show as well. While I loved it, I was a little disappointed by the Helga buildup only to have her ass handed to her by two scrappy little girls. Still, a night with a serious knee injury and a bloody face, this is must see TV!
I am addicted to TiVo and find myself unconsolably upset when I instinctively go to rewind something and then realize it's a TiVo-less TV, a radio or real life.
Don't worry, I'm looking into therapy now...
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